Is it normal to feel upset, embarrassed or “not myself” after stoma surgery?

Yes. Shock, grief, anxiety and embarrassment are common early on and usually ease as you adjust. These feelings are normal and not a sign of weakness.

Will I ever feel confident again?

Most people do, largely as stoma care becomes routine. It takes time and varies from person to person, but confidence grows with each small success.

Can I still have a sex life and relationships?

Yes — a full intimate life is possible. Communicating with your partner, emptying the pouch beforehand, and using pouch covers or smaller pouches all help.

What clothes can I wear?

Usually your normal clothes — pouches are discreet under them. Support underwear and specialised swimwear exist if you want them.

When should I get professional help for my mood?

If low mood or anxiety lasts more than about two weeks or you have thoughts of self-harm, contact your GP or stoma nurse, or SOS 1767 / mindline.sg 1771. Call 995 in an emergency.

Emotional Wellbeing with a Stoma: Coping & Support

Written & reviewed by the BestDoctors.sg editorial team · Last updated 25 Aug 2026 · General information, not medical advice

A stoma is a major change to your body and your daily routine, often coming after cancer, inflammatory bowel disease or emergency surgery. Feelings of shock, grief, anxiety, low mood, embarrassment and a changed body image are common and completely normal, especially in the early weeks. The reassuring and important message is that most people adjust well over time, and confidence grows as stoma care becomes routine. This guide covers what to expect emotionally, how to build confidence, body image and intimacy, when to seek professional help, and where to find support in Singapore.

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, or feel unable to cope, reach out now: the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) are on 1767 and mindline.sg on 1771, both available at any time. For a medical emergency, call 995. This guide is general support information and does not replace care from your own team, who can refer you for psychological support.

It is normal to feel this way

There is no single right way to feel about having a stoma. Shock, grief and a sense of loss, anger, anxiety, embarrassment, and simply feeling “not yourself” are all common, particularly early on, and it is normal to worry about changes to your appearance. Knowing that these reactions are expected — shared by many people facing the same surgery — can itself be a relief, and it removes the extra burden of feeling you ought to be coping differently. Whatever you feel, you are not alone in feeling it.

Adjustment is a process

Adjusting to a stoma tends to be a journey rather than a switch — many people describe moving from an initial shock, through gradually coming to terms with the change, toward a new normal. How long this takes varies widely from person to person, so it is best not to hold yourself to a fixed timeline. Some days will be harder than others, and progress is rarely a straight line, but the overall direction for most people is toward feeling settled and back in control.

Confidence is built by doing

One of the biggest confidence-builders is learning to manage the stoma yourself — emptying and changing the pouch. Taking on your own care, step by step, restores a sense of control that can feel lost after surgery, and each small success makes the next outing or activity feel more possible. Your stoma nurse teaches this patiently and at your pace, and it is worth aiming to be confident with your own care before you go home, or soon after.

You do not have to cope alone

Support makes a real difference. Your stoma nurse is there for practical and emotional questions, involving family in learning your care can help everyone adjust, and connecting with others who have a stoma — through support groups or people with lived experience — can be reassuring. In Singapore, your hospital stoma care nurse is the first port of call, and because many people with a stoma have had cancer surgery, the Singapore Cancer Society offers psychosocial support and its helpline on 1800-727-3333. Talking openly, rather than bottling things up, genuinely helps.

Body image and clothing

A changed body image is one of the hardest parts for many people, and it is understandable. In practice, most people wear their usual clothes, and modern pouches are flat and discreet under them; high-waisted styles, support underwear and patterned swimwear can help you feel comfortable, and specialised stoma underwear and swimwear exist if you want them. Giving yourself time to get used to your body again is part of the adjustment, and it is a part that eases for most people.

Intimacy and relationships

A full intimate life is possible with a stoma. It helps to communicate openly with a partner and to choose your own timing; practical steps such as emptying the pouch beforehand, using a pouch cover, a smaller pouch or high-waisted lingerie, and trying different positions can all help you feel at ease. Intimacy is about far more than intercourse — closeness, affection and communication matter just as much — and the stoma is not harmed by sex. If you have specific concerns, your stoma nurse or doctor can advise sensitively.

When to seek help, and the bottom line

Sometimes low mood or anxiety runs deeper and needs more support. If you have persistent low mood or loss of interest, overwhelming anxiety or panic, are withdrawing from others, feel hopeless, or have any thoughts of harming yourself — or if low mood or anxiety lasts more than about two weeks or interferes with daily life — talk to your GP or stoma nurse, who can arrange counselling or psychological support. In a crisis, contact SOS on 1767 or mindline.sg on 1771 straight away, and call 995 in an emergency. The reassuring bottom line is that the emotional side of a stoma is a normal, expected part of the experience, not a weakness — and that support, self-care and time carry most people through to living confidently again.

Sources

United Ostomy Associations of America — Emotional issues: ostomy.org
Colostomy UK — Love, sex and relationships: colostomyuk.org
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): sos.org.sg

General information only. This guide supports — but does not replace — the advice of your surgical team and stoma nurse (stomal therapist), who tailor stoma care to you. Seek urgent help — call 995 — if your stoma turns dark, dusky or black or pulls in and goes pale (a possible loss of blood supply), or if you have no output of stool or wind with cramping tummy pain, a swollen abdomen and vomiting (a possible blockage). Also seek care for heavy bleeding from inside the stoma or signs of severe dehydration. If you are struggling emotionally, you are not alone — the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) are on 1767 and mindline.sg on 1771.

Emotional Wellbeing with a Stoma (Singapore)